" Apathy. Pretending to be happy, pretending to be sad, pretending to have an orgasm, pretending to be having fun, pretending that you've slept well, pretending that you're alive. Until there comes a point where you reach an imaginary red line and realize that if you cross it, there will be no turning back. Then you stop complaining, because complaining means that you are at least still battling something. You accept the vegetative state and try to conceal it from everyone. And that's hard work."
Apathy. I haven't yet reached that stage. I'm still complaining one, but i imagine that soon-in a matter of months,days,or hours-a complete lack of interest will set in that will be very hard to dispel.
It feels like my soul is slowly leaving my body and heading off to an unknown place, some "safe' place where it doesn't have to put up with me and my night terrors. Its as if I weren't sitting in an ugly Japanese restaurant with delicious food, experiencing everything as though it were just a scene in a film I'm watching-or being able-to stop it.
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